Memories of Childhood

Childhood was not a fairytale. It was like a drama movie, where the main character is bullied, and no one understands him, until finally there is someone who finally speaks to him. Mine was like that, except that no one ever came to speak me. Yes, it sounds like I am a wallflower and I am, except that now I have friends. 
My childhood was really hard and I really don't remember much of it, like the most bad moments of my life, it's easy for me to forget bad things. What I remember is that everybody laughed of my big ears, which is not funny. And everybody laughed of me because I was "different" but not, different bad, I was like "different inoffensive" and then everyone hates me, I really don't know why I never did anything to them, I think. But like the most of the people they laughs of the different. Assholes! 
I always came back from school crying because no one wanted to play with me or speak to me, or make the group works with me, they don't even wanted to sit near me. And I didn't smell bad, I know I didn't they were just bastards! My mom always said that I don't have to be friend of anyone I could just be happy by myself, and that, was a problem ! I really can't be with myself because I start to think about my defects. And it break me down !
So, I grow up, and I star to make jokes, being nice with people, having "friends". But there's still being something inside of me who wants to break every link with every person in the world, and it's hard to contain him. It's really hard..

Every!

Every time, everywhere, every every, I need to call the attention of everyone, it's like I wanted to hide what I'm really thinking, in fact, it's truth. I can't stop speaking because if I do I start to think, and it's not something that I really enjoy, is more like...disgusting! I know it sounds weird but it's the very real truth. It is not truth that I don't enjoy think about what to do, but it's horrible to think what I will do, because I'm not a person who likes to wait, I mean, who does? I really don't care, whatever, but, sometimes thinking about what will happen is a bit frustrating. More if you are not comfortable with yourself like I am, and it's something I have never spoken with anybody, I always try to imitate the people I adore, like actors or even characters. Like I try to dress like them, act like them, have the same problems that them. The worst shit is that I can do it. And I do. And it feels good, just for a moment, then everything you create disappears  when someone tells you "you are not like (and the character)" and all of your world starts to fall apart and you feel like there is no one inside you, and that you are nothing. And that's what happens to someone who is not right with himself ! Shit, even writing about that drive me crazy and make me remember those times when I was a little wallflower.