Memories of Childhood

Childhood was not a fairytale. It was like a drama movie, where the main character is bullied, and no one understands him, until finally there is someone who finally speaks to him. Mine was like that, except that no one ever came to speak me. Yes, it sounds like I am a wallflower and I am, except that now I have friends. 
My childhood was really hard and I really don't remember much of it, like the most bad moments of my life, it's easy for me to forget bad things. What I remember is that everybody laughed of my big ears, which is not funny. And everybody laughed of me because I was "different" but not, different bad, I was like "different inoffensive" and then everyone hates me, I really don't know why I never did anything to them, I think. But like the most of the people they laughs of the different. Assholes! 
I always came back from school crying because no one wanted to play with me or speak to me, or make the group works with me, they don't even wanted to sit near me. And I didn't smell bad, I know I didn't they were just bastards! My mom always said that I don't have to be friend of anyone I could just be happy by myself, and that, was a problem ! I really can't be with myself because I start to think about my defects. And it break me down !
So, I grow up, and I star to make jokes, being nice with people, having "friends". But there's still being something inside of me who wants to break every link with every person in the world, and it's hard to contain him. It's really hard..

Every!

Every time, everywhere, every every, I need to call the attention of everyone, it's like I wanted to hide what I'm really thinking, in fact, it's truth. I can't stop speaking because if I do I start to think, and it's not something that I really enjoy, is more like...disgusting! I know it sounds weird but it's the very real truth. It is not truth that I don't enjoy think about what to do, but it's horrible to think what I will do, because I'm not a person who likes to wait, I mean, who does? I really don't care, whatever, but, sometimes thinking about what will happen is a bit frustrating. More if you are not comfortable with yourself like I am, and it's something I have never spoken with anybody, I always try to imitate the people I adore, like actors or even characters. Like I try to dress like them, act like them, have the same problems that them. The worst shit is that I can do it. And I do. And it feels good, just for a moment, then everything you create disappears  when someone tells you "you are not like (and the character)" and all of your world starts to fall apart and you feel like there is no one inside you, and that you are nothing. And that's what happens to someone who is not right with himself ! Shit, even writing about that drive me crazy and make me remember those times when I was a little wallflower.

'I Love You?'

Hey,

We use 'I love you' so much, that nowadays it doesn't mean anything. It's just another lie. 

When you star dating with someone you're always saying 'I love you' the problem is that you're lying. You can't fall in love with someone you met a couple weeks ago. Unless you know him or her since you were children. We have to be very sure about our feelings before saying 'the word', because, it seems like an ordinary word, but is more than that, it's one way to say what you feel. You can hurt someone important lying with that. 

Besides, when you are a teenager you can't be sure about your feelings, because hormones influence with what you feel. They are always trying to confuse you, and the most part of the time, the do! We have to try not to say that word when we are teens, it always ruins everything.

Friendzone

Hey,

The problem of falling in love with a friend is that he or she treats you like her or his brother. And it's really frustrating because you're always trying to kiss her or talk about 'what would happen if we start dating' and they always take it like a joke. That's the problem. You never have to be cute. Because, at the moment they tell you 'aw, you're so cute' all of your possibilities disappear. You start to fall in love even worst than before, because you start to know them by who they really are. At that time there's nothing left to do. Well, you can get them drunk, and then try to fuck or something like that. And then you have done your task. The problem is that after that,  you might lose your friendship. And I think anyone want it. The best thing you can do, is tell him or her what you feel. And tell them that if them don't feel the same way, never mind. But that you don't want to lose the friendship. And then if they feel the same, good for you. But if it's not your answer try to fall in love with someone else. Don't disturb yourself. 

Heartbreaker

Hey,
Six months ago, I met someone. In the past months I started to talk to him more often. We started with friendship. We used to talk about music, school, partys. And I started to realize that I really like him. I started to talk a little bit weird with him. I was like in love. I really wanted him to realize that I liked him, but it didn't work because he told me that he didn't like guys, that he was straight and things like that. The time passed. And we still being friends. After a month or two a friend in common with him told me that he always talked about me, about what we had spoken. She told me he was confused, and that he had told me all that things because he didn't want to hurt me, like he always do with every girl he goes out. I'm not a girl, I would like to add. Well, I was online and a I had a message from him, it said, I really would like a kiss with you. I said, what? I didn't answer him, until he was online. I asked him about that message. He ask me about what I really felt for him. I told him 'I want you'. And his answer was 'So do I. But as friends'. That was the worst thing someone ever told me. I was like broken, but a message showed up. It said 'if the kiss happens, it's the only thing' and I was very happy until my friend told me he had asked me the kiss like a favor. She has to help him to conquest a girl. At one moment I felt sick I wanted to vomit. But then I spoke to him and I asked him, he said that it was true. Then I asked him if he really wanted or if he was doing that as a 'favor'. And he answer me, both. Then we never talked to each other again. Never mind, I'm gonna be alright.

New Thought

Hey, 
Today I was on the net, watching videos. And suddenly appear a video, it's called "it gets better". I saw it, and it was really beautiful. It talks about gay people who wants to kill themselves. There are famous people who speaks about it. And they say that everything always get better, there's no reason to kill yourself, and neither to hurt yourself. Even if there still being people in the world with their close minds, who tells you that is wrong being like you are. You don't have to listen to them, because they're crazy, they don't want to understand that you don't decide how you are. You just born this way, and I know that because I am gay, and there's always people who tells you that is wrong, and take phrases from the bible to tell you that god doesn't want gay people. Or tells you that nature has done the human body in a way that only man-women fits. We have to know that there's always someone who understand you, someone who doesn't reject you for who you are. They accept you. They contain you as good friends. And that's all that matters